It was a trying few days. Well. For some more than others.
After Jax had been carried off, it was a fury that bled into panic. Then panic dissolved into a self-deprecating sick, a frustration with herself for not somehow springing into action.
Was she angry with Jax? Yes. Did he deserve to get carried off by a gryphon? Also yes. But when he disappeared with no sign for days, she feared the worst. The gryphon- Skan, she recalled being told once- didn't look like he was carrying off the bunny to play.
But not even Jax deserved to die.
She remembered learning that death wasn't the end here, however. At least, if this person wasn't pulling her leg. Gadriel just didn't seem the type to joke? So when she was wiping down a table and saw a very intact purple rabbit storming up the steps to the room, her eyes were wide as saucers. Not even the sound of a slamming door broke the spell.
Pomni was slightly spellbound for a while after, really. Which was worse: Being unable to die, or being able to die and just getting popped right back in after a few days...? The latter came with the horrific thought that you got to feel every last bit of your mortality slipping from your fingers, only to probably remember it the minute you popped back in like losing a life in a video game.
She assumed that, eventually, Jax would be around. But after a concerning amount of time where he wasn't, Pomni sighed and got a tray.
Bread, fruit, some cheese, a little candy, and a thermos of tea. That should be plenty. After a deep breath, she trekked up the stairs and stopped before his door. She knocked, and braced for... whatever. You never really knew, when it came to Jax.
It was a strange, fucked up thing, to be essentially immortal for years. To know that nothing you did truly mattered. To think you were invincible because, in every sense of the word, you were. And it was a strange, fucked up thing, to have that all abruptly taken away so you could face your own mortality and realize, without warning, how much of a piece of shit you were.
Jax had felt himself dying a slow, agonizing death, the taste of blood lingering in his throat even when he awoke days later. He was fine, now, at least in body, but he was distinctly not fine mentally. Not that he ever really had been.
These people were real. He was real. The pain and suffering was real. Jax did not have the strength to handle that fact now, and he sure as fuck didn't want to try and dissect it with Pomni, because he knew damn well she would want to.
So he sank into his bed at the inn, curled up for days on end, wondering what the point was anymore. He didn't know how long he had been there by the time the knock came. Something in him knew who it was — who else would it be besides the one person who, for whatever reason, actually cared about him?
"If you've come to rub it in, just be quick about it. I'm not in the mood." He called, not bothering to get up, back to the door.
Within expectations. Pomni quietly released the breath she'd been holding, but it did nothing to mask the twist in her belly, the nerves. She couldn't entirely relax just yet.
"You haven't been down in a while, sooo... I brought a few things to eat."
She paused, listened for something. Anything. She had a feeling that, if she just left the tray here, it was just going to be an obstacle, but ultimately forgotten.
If she wasn't still upset with you, she'd give more than a passing thought of how the scruffy rabbit look was kind of cute. But the eyebags were a more personal reason why she was here.
"You look like hell." However, she just brushed past him to enter the room, get all of this placed on a handy desk.
"And I'm just doing my job. The moon's weird and everyone's on edge. Finnick doesn't need anyone starving to death in one of his rooms on top of that."
Once everything was placed, her hands settled upon the back of the chair. Pomni kept her back turned, if anything to keep her focus elsewhere and not get herself set off by anything. Everything had her frazzled, and she knew that shouting wasn't going to accomplish anything.
She just wished she had better ways of regulating herself. It was weird... the threat of abstraction was enough to scare you straight enough. Though she didn't miss that danger, she'd been furious and upset far more since she'd gotten here.
"...I also wanted to apologize. For freezing up." Her grip tightened.
"I don't know what I could have done against the likes of a gryphon, but I froze, and... I'm sorry." She lowered her forehead against the chair back.
Jax stood there; confused. She was apologizing for not going after them? Jax had been upset, in the moment, but what was she supposed to do? Fly after them? In hindsight... it was best she didn't try. She didn't need to see any of that.
"It's fine." He grumbled. "You wanted me to learn my lesson... so I did. You should be happy things went the way they did."
Pomni sighed quietly, but didn't move. "I'm not... I'm not happy something happened to you. I was and am still angry with you, but I will never feel like you deserve to die."
The breath she drew was slow, steeling herself. "...I was terrified in the days since. I could hardly imagine what you must have gone through, what he'd done to you. To be happy about any of that would just be... cruel."
He extended his arms to his sides. "Well, I'm back now, so no need to worry, Pomni. I can tell you for free that we're real and getting disemboweled with an actual body sure does suck!" 0/10, wouldn't recommend.
"He gave me a warning about picking on the meek. I'm just — I don't really know how else to entertain myself."
"Uhhm...???" She lifted her head and risked looking back over her shoulder. Disemboweled? Holy crap, that... is a lot worse than she'd thought. To try and sound casual about all of that was really... him of him. But she couldn't help being concerned. That kind of stuff was kind of traumatizing? Did he want to talk about-- God, who is she kidding? If she were disemboweled, she wouldn't even want to talk about it.
But Pomni paused, rubbed an upper arm, and noticed that the door was closed. He hadn't... kicked her out. Told her to go away. Could they talk? Finally talk?
"...Y'know, there's... more to life in general than picking on people, obviously. I mean, didn't we almost get turned into juice packets by vampires and you ran around as a werewolf? You ate like three deer and god knows what else. I kinda wish I'd--" She cleared her throat and made a point of straightening out the chair, keeping her focus on that and absolutely nothing else.
"A-anyway- That was all scary beyond all reason, but... looking back, it was kind of fun. Going on adventures with you." She paused.
"I know I can be kind of lame and scare easily, but... if you ever wanted to go on more adventures, I'd like that. Or just... talk, or something."
"Not for the past couple years there hasn't been." More to life, that is. All he did at the circus was find ways to entertain himself — and most ways consisted of picking on, hurting, or otherwise humiliating the others in the circus. At least in the last little while, it was so much easier to just be mean. At this point, he could barely turn it off.
"Kind of wish you what? Made a move on werewolf Jax? Can't say I blame you." He smirked, even if she couldn't see it. But the expression didn’t last long. Jax sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, hands scrubbing his face.
"You really are bad at taking hints." He muttered into his palms. "Fine, Pomni. Let's talk. It can't hurt anymore than having my ribs stabbing through my lungs."
She never did ask any of them how long they'd been in the circus. It was probably varying levels of cruel to ask them to recall just how long it had been since they had normal lives. She could see the coping mechanisms in each of them: Ragatha's near unending positivity at the cost of her own well-being, Gangle's masks, Zooble's parts, Kinger's darkness. For Jax, it was... getting a rise out of others? Keeping people away.
Not anymore, she remembered Ragatha had said, when she'd asked if Jax had friends. Was he different, then...? Was he like he was as Team Bad Guys? Was he more amicable than that, perhaps, before he fell into plunking everyone into an archetype?
She turned back when she heard the small squeak of the bed as he took a seat. This would... normally... sort of demand to sit next to somebody, but that was the bed, and. Yeah. Though, oddly enough, her mind lingered on the fact that he seemed to make a lot of remarks about his supposed glory, his physical characteristics, and about making passes. To her.
Did he-?
She stood straighter in her lean back against the desk. Wait, talk now? She'd meant overall, but if he was willing to go for it here, then...
Pomni winced from that detail. The sudden chill through her brought her to rub her upper arms. "Oh god... I heard the Visitors come back if they die, but I didn't think about having the memory of that intact, too. Keeps you from being too reckless, I guess...?"
She paused, let her eyes wander a bit. "Uh- but- w-we could talk about something else. I'm an open book...!"
Oh god, did she double finger-guns? She double finger-guns.
"Didn't think I deserved to die because I threw a guy's crutch, but what do I know? I'm just a stupid rabbit that needed to be taught a lesson, apparently." Granted, it was probably the only way it was going to stick. But, like, break his leg or something first? The suffering he went through seemed excessive.
Not that anyone cared but Pomni, and even she was debatable.
He looked over. Huffed out a laugh. "Just sit down." He patted the spot next to him once. "And bring some cheese over. I'm starving."
Talking to Skan wouldn't accomplish anything, and if she were honest, she didn't want the two of them to interact again if they could help it.
She blinked her surprise, but she wasn't going to turn the offer down. She grabbed the cheese and some of the bread before she headed over. Damn her height- she needed a second to vault herself up to have a seat before she offered the snacks.
"What happened was... really extreme. But I'm glad you're in one piece."
She looked up at him. "You're not... nervous... about Skan looking for you again, are you?"
He took the cheese and bit down. Immediately, his stomach growled, like all at once his body realized how hungry he was. Being hungry was weird after going so long without really having to.
"Should I be?" He asked. "I was just going to steer clear of him and his friend. If he comes after me again for nothing, then it feels like we might have a problem."
She could only imagine. She hadn't had it for very long, but even she felt strange the first time she felt hungry and tired. It was nice to have things with taste and texture again, and curl up in a big soft bed just to drift off.
"I think you might be okay this time. But if that's not the case, then..." She clutched her hands into fists, pumped.
"I've been practicing a lot harder. I've gotten better with a sword, and I'm having armor forged. I'm going all-in with the adventurer thing. And check this out..."
She paused and focused on the shadow he cast from the light coming in from the window. She lay a hand to it, and dissolved into shadow herself-
"Yah!" -To hop out from a shadowed corner of the room, arm extended as if thrusting outward with a blade. Then she hopped back into the corner, to return from whence she came.
"Tadaaoof-" She popped right back to her seat next to him, but the give of the bed had her sink a bit and wind up mushing against him a bit.
"You training to become a knight or something? Your circus getup should have made you a court jester." He joked. Jax leaned back when she got up so he could watch the shadow jump, brows lifted; impressed despite himself.
"Hate to say it — but that was pretty cool." Pomni was pretty cool, and it was a shame she kept trying to hang out with him when he had done nothing but push her away for his own selfish reasons. Maybe she saw something in him he couldn't. Maybe she was just stubborn. Either way, she deserved better.
When she tumbled against him, he reflexively moved his hand to steady her back. He froze there, staring at his own fingers like they belonged to someone else. Every instinct screamed to shove her off, to keep the distance he had worked so hard to wedge between them.
But for once, he ignored that voice.
Instead, he shifted, hooked his arm around her, then let his other arm follow until he pulled her into a hug — one that surprised even him.
It was a work in progress, but strangely enough, she'd kept his words in mind when it came to visualizing things to make them work. Sure, they didn't entirely function on cartoon logic any more, but how much was she tightening up and stressing over everything? She had so much anxiety, overthought and just worried too damned much. But the minute she could clear her head, take a breath and 'let loose', she was finding that it helped for far more than just being able to twirl a gun and do impossible shots: Her crystals were taking better shape and were getting easier to call the more she practiced, and her intuition was helping her hold up better in sparring sessions against the likes of the much bigger Venat and Gadriel.
Shadow-jumping was tricky, though. Visualizing was one thing, but making sure you thought of your whole body moving through from one place to another was another matter entirely.
But it was... cool? Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty cool, wasn't it? Maybe she'll eventually kick the court jester allegations.
His arm moved and she felt the backs of her hands and her neck prickle, a flash of shame. "Crap, I'm sorr-"
She froze as her stomach and heart threatened to jump into her mouth, forcing her to clamp it shut. After so many random pokes, grabs, tugs and shoves, she'd grown accustomed to how Jax was just kind of a touchy guy and ran with it. But thinking on it, she sort of had been lately, too. How often had she grabbed his hand and stood close, not once thinking about her own aversion about her personal space...?
So when she turned, her arms circled him in kind to return the gesture. She'd meant it when she said he didn't deserve what happened, and she'd meant her relief in seeing him in one piece again. He was a pain in the ass, but... at the end of the day, Jax was still a friend.
He had almost hoped she wouldn't hug him back. He deserved to be pushed away for all the times he had tried to do the same to her. But right now — he was glad she hadn't. Pomni was the only person that could stand him, and while he could not undertand her doing so, all things considered, he was glad she did.
He bowed his head, ears drooping, and closed his eyes as he hugged her to him. He should have done this before, instead of pushing her away. God. Why did he suck so fucking much.
"Thanks." He muttered. "For the food." And definitely nothing else.
It was a weird toss-up. She felt bad for that hug, but only because she felt like she'd just sprung it on him. Yet she didn't regret it... nor did she regret this one now.
She tucked her face in, and was reminded of how much more real they were here: He was warm, but she knew she'd ruin it if she said so. He was a good hugger, but... she knew she'd ruin it if she said so. Instead she nodded- any time- and let relief combine with her body reminding her that she'd been on such high alert and alarm for these last several days and could finally relax. Sleep had been seldom.
"I'm going to have a few drinks later," she noted quietly. "If you feel like coming down, I wouldn't mind the company."
He held her there against him for... longer than he probably should have. Eventually, his grip did loosen so she could lean back if she wanted to. Did he want to go down and get a drink? No. He wanted to sit in this room and contemplate all the mistakes he made since he arrived in this stupid world.
Something to keep in mind, for sure. He was Sylph, right? Then he must have some lightning stuff going on. She'd heard people could gain the ability to fly-
Oh. OH. Really?
Well, she did want to...
Pomni briefly looked up at him, momentarily hesitant, before she set a hand to the task of quelling her curiosity. After looking and seeming rubbery in the game, what met her fingers was something softer than she imagined. She threaded purple fur between her fingers, marveling the way it fell back into place once each digit passed through.
She vaguely thought of just how real they were here. Getting accustomed to hunger and fatigue was one thing, but... she could even feel his heartbeat like this, too.
Ah. Oops. She mussed it a little. She doubled back and swept her fingertips across once more to guide everything back into place.
He grinned when she looked up — which truly could have meant anything with Jax. Was he fucking with her? Was he serious? Only one way to find out.
Of course it felt nice when she ran her hands through the fur — they were warm, gentle and if he were a cat, he would have been purring with the attention. Jax watched her without saying a word, his mind wandering, thinking close to the same thing she was about how real they were here, how human everything felt.
A beat. His hand rose behind her. Paused. And then moved again until he grasped her wrist, holding her hand there against his chest, his heart thumping rhythmically. Jax met her eyes again, and then leaned down, still without a word, and pressed his lips against hers.
When fingers seized her wrist, she was ready for the push; the apology ready for maybe going too overboard with it. But he held that hand there, and she did nothing to retrieve it.
She could stick around, if he wanted. She just wished he'd ask, instead of some roundabout thing. The question was there on the tip of her tongue when she turned her gaze up again, but... something else... happened instead.
Pomni froze, that question she'd wondered earlier answered. There was nothing she could do to quell the sudden feeling of butterflies in her stomach, nor did it stop how her fingers curled in his fur again. She could push him away, but... she didn't want to.
Instead she stretched herself a little higher, a gentle lean into the kiss, though she couldn't help but wonder if this was leading into some kind of joke...
Jax had done a lot of thinking since he came back from the dead. He thought about how he was human, now, or as human as he was allowed in this stupid rabbit form. He thought about how he could feel the blood flowing from his body, the pain that lasted, the cold death that came for him. He wouldn't apologize for anything he had done in the circus or here during his first few weeks, because that would suggest he regretted any of it.
What he could do was take advantage the fact that he wasn't trapped in a computer with a bunch of assholes that didn't even understand him. He could do things he could not have done otherwise in the circus.
Jax yanked her into his lap, his hand pressing against her back as he sank into the kiss with a quiet sigh. For once, he didn’t have a joke ready — though he knew he’d think of one fast enough if she pulled away and said something about it.
This was crazy. Even now, she thought this was crazy. Yet as her heart raced, reminded her that she was a living thing and not a bunch of data anymore, she felt like she deserved a little crazy... and maybe he did, too.
Her stomach twisted into a knot when he pulled her in, but she shifted for comfort's sake, felt that knot twist further when he sighed. She just... hoped she was okay at this. She'd only kissed about a handful of times in her life.
Her hands lifted from their spot on his chest. When one draped over a shoulder, loosely wound around the rabbit's neck, the other smoothed against a cheek. Any minute break in the kiss from her shift into his lap was mended with a soft brush, a shy reconnection initiated by her this time; an 'I'm not going anywhere' without a word.
If asked and if he answered truthfully: Jax would admit that he had no idea what he was doing. He had wanted to kiss her for a while now, but that would have involved letting his guard down. People would have seen him being vulnerable — and in the circus? Can't have that. Besides, back their she could just abstract and he would have nothing but bitterness all over again.
She was good enough, apparently, for him to keep kissing her; easing from tentative to deep and tender once she leaned into him. She was so small, fit so nicely in his lap. He could have kept her there forever. After a moment he leaned back for a breath.
The circus would never let them hear the end of it, that's for sure. But as Jax pulled back, Pomni was fairly red-faced, two-tone pupils wide.
She... liked that. She liked this, and having herself a first time being pulled into a lap and held like she mattered, and not wanting to push them away because they invaded her space. Was it okay that she liked that? Was it okay that she wanted to do that more...? Could you be frustrated with someone and still feel all of these other things at once? This guy almost constantly barged into her space, and she'd noticed that she didn't mind it so much. What'd... what'd that mean? What did the weird evening in that moonlit forest mean? Was it werewolves at the core of it, or... was it...?
Maybe having such a boring life wasn't as bad as she thought, considering all of this was twisting her brain into knots. But her heart was racing, and she had to break eye contact. She opted for angling her head down a bit, hide behind the bangs.
"Well, y-you're alright, yourself." She was sure so many of the others here in their myriad relationships would have a thousand pointers, but... she thought he'd done fine.
Yet she burned with curiosity. "Where did... that... come from, anyway? The snacks couldn't have been that good."
When she leaned back, Jax eased away, too, letting her remain on his lap while he lounged, palms pressed behind him on the bed, furry chest purposefully puffed out since she liked it so much a second ago.
"What can I say? I'm a sucker for the girl dinner platter." He replied, because he'd be damned if he didn't take advantage of that comment. Then, he shrugged. "Just wanted to. Expected you to smack me in the face, honestly."
Now he's just showing off. God forbid she bring up how she actually liked his ears, too. How far would he go if she mentioned that, she wondered...
You know what? If he wanted to play games, she could play games, too. This meant he might be feeling a little better, which was a relief. She can give him this one.
She leaned closer, arms crossed over her chest. "You... wanted to. I see."
A brow quirked. "Giving you a smack isn't all-the-way off the table. I recall someone threatened to rip my throat out in the woods... they call that 'mixed signals' in my neck of the woods, Jax."
Jax snorted out a laugh. Was that the best she had?
"I don't know, it seemed pretty clear to me — especially with the way you reacted when I said it." He smirked. "Or are we conveniently ignoring that part?"
Pomni visibly stiffened at that. "Uhm. ...I-I wasn't-"
Holding her breath let her change so many colors, but right now all she had was the red. That evening was a blur and mountains of confusion, teeth and so much growling. Was there something she did? That was so long ago! She fought to sweep her bangs in front of her eyes.
"That- that was a weird night, I don't- what'd I... do...??"
"Do you seriously not remember? I had all those heightened senses as a werewolf. I could smell everything for miles, especially you." He leaned in again, voice low. "You were soooo horny when I showed you my teeth. Then you dug your hands into my fur... tsk, tsk, Pomni. Didn't know you were a monsterfucker."
Pomni had to shrink a little as Jax leaned in, and she actually wished a little for the circus censors. The color of her face deepened half out of being completely called out, and half out of the fact that her stomach was twisting into some absolutely HELLISH knots from hearing him talk like this.
It was enough to have her take a hand and muffle the grinning mouth. Nope. Not handling this well right now.
"I'mmmm... stilltryingtofigurethingsout...!" She lowered her head to hide her face further.
"Wh-what else am I supposed to take away from being teased and then having you be protective of me when some weird guy shows up? You started it. What does that say about you?"
Caldera may have had some shitty murder birds, but it also gave him the ability to swear and be gross to a degree that unsettled people so... pros and cons.
Sorry, Pomni, he would love to answer that question, but you have put your hand over his mouth! Fortunately, his eyebrows were still raised and it was so fucking obvious he was still grinning like a major asshole under her palm. He shrugged helplessly. I don't knoooow.
...But you know what? If covering the mouth kept it from running, that meant she could talk. Pomni took a breath and raised her head again.
"...Just don't make a game out of this, Jax. Alright? Please. I didn't hate the attention that night, and... I-I liked the kiss. I don't know if you're just screwing around, or... trying to figure something out, but... If you're serious about any of that, I want you to just tell me whenever."
She hesitated, then lowered the hand.
"...And don't say it's just a thing you do- I've never seen you kiss Gangle, Ragatha or any of the others."
"Just because you haven't seen it, doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Although I'd rather die again than kiss Ragatha." Or Gangle for that matter, but she was the superior option.
He clicked his tongue, suddenly a little too vulnerable again now that she was so blatantly calling him out. He hadn't been joking, or fucking with her at all, save for teasing her about being horny for wolves.
"Awfully cruel to think everything I do is a joke, Pomni. I mean, I am the funny one, but I did just die and come back, and I wasn't really in the mood to joke."
There was something in the tone of his voice she was just starting to recognize. It happened in his eyes sometimes, or in the shape of his mouth. Jax was really hard to gauge a lot of the time, but as she let that hang, she wasn't going to get what she'd been worried she'd receive.
Maybe she'd accidentally hurt him, then. Who can say? But this weird visit was a big step for both of them: For him, talking about what happened and some things that were cooking away in his mind but couldn't be expressed in words; for her, stepping in and setting down how angry she'd been to get out what she'd wanted to say. The kiss was just going to be something she'd stew on for a little while.
So Pomni wrapped her arms around herself a bit, and wasn't looking at him. She wanted to lean, wanted some level of extra contact, but didn't feel much like she'd earned that any more.
If she did hurt him, it's not like it was really her fault. Jax set himself up for shit like that all the time — he purposefully made it difficult for people to read or understand him beyond the asshole facade, because it was easier to keep them at a distance. There were a lot of mixed messages, primarily because he didn't even know how to sort them out currently.
He was real. Alive. A person in a stupid bunny body, but a person nonetheless, who could die and had to actually live with the consequences of his actions. He wasn't going to be a great guy overnight, but he had to admit that he couldn't be as wild and uncaring as he had been for years in the circus.
"Screw em." He said with a shrug, "if I was going to prank you, I'd at least do something good." Jax reached for her, looped his arm around her middle, and then quickly scooped her up and rolled them both over until they were on their sides and she was shoved into his furry chest while he held her. "Pretending to be into you as a joke is... pretty lame. Kid shit."
He was right... screw 'em. She'd left that job months ago, would never see them again, and... it's... it's whatever.
Momentary surprise took her when he reached for her, and they were moved. Her hands instinctively eased to brace, and everything was soft and warm again. The bedding was nice, and she didn't blame him for staying in bed.
The fur was nice too, and she didn't blame him for flaunting it.
"...I appreciate it."
Pomni caved to the want as her hands settled, and she nuzzled her face to the fluff. God, she was tired...
"Sorry if I fall asleep on you. I was worried, so I didn't exactly... um... sleep much, so..."
"Sheesh. Loosen up a little, Pomni. I'm still here." Shockingly. Jax closed his eyes and propped his chin on top of her head. "I'll let you stay tonight, so long as you don't snore."
I'm relieved you still are was the thought that came, but she wasn't looking to get bunny-kicked out of the bed.
But she couldn't let everything slide.
"...That's what someone who snores would say," she managed, before she let herself settle in for what was going to be her first good sleep in god-knows-how-long.
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a c t i o n
After Jax had been carried off, it was a fury that bled into panic. Then panic dissolved into a self-deprecating sick, a frustration with herself for not somehow springing into action.
Was she angry with Jax? Yes. Did he deserve to get carried off by a gryphon? Also yes. But when he disappeared with no sign for days, she feared the worst. The gryphon- Skan, she recalled being told once- didn't look like he was carrying off the bunny to play.
But not even Jax deserved to die.
She remembered learning that death wasn't the end here, however. At least, if this person wasn't pulling her leg. Gadriel just didn't seem the type to joke? So when she was wiping down a table and saw a very intact purple rabbit storming up the steps to the room, her eyes were wide as saucers. Not even the sound of a slamming door broke the spell.
Pomni was slightly spellbound for a while after, really. Which was worse: Being unable to die, or being able to die and just getting popped right back in after a few days...? The latter came with the horrific thought that you got to feel every last bit of your mortality slipping from your fingers, only to probably remember it the minute you popped back in like losing a life in a video game.
She assumed that, eventually, Jax would be around. But after a concerning amount of time where he wasn't, Pomni sighed and got a tray.
Bread, fruit, some cheese, a little candy, and a thermos of tea. That should be plenty. After a deep breath, she trekked up the stairs and stopped before his door. She knocked, and braced for... whatever. You never really knew, when it came to Jax.
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Jax had felt himself dying a slow, agonizing death, the taste of blood lingering in his throat even when he awoke days later. He was fine, now, at least in body, but he was distinctly not fine mentally. Not that he ever really had been.
These people were real. He was real. The pain and suffering was real. Jax did not have the strength to handle that fact now, and he sure as fuck didn't want to try and dissect it with Pomni, because he knew damn well she would want to.
So he sank into his bed at the inn, curled up for days on end, wondering what the point was anymore. He didn't know how long he had been there by the time the knock came. Something in him knew who it was — who else would it be besides the one person who, for whatever reason, actually cared about him?
"If you've come to rub it in, just be quick about it. I'm not in the mood." He called, not bothering to get up, back to the door.
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"You haven't been down in a while, sooo... I brought a few things to eat."
She paused, listened for something. Anything. She had a feeling that, if she just left the tray here, it was just going to be an obstacle, but ultimately forgotten.
"Are... you able to come to the door...?"
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He stood up, pulled the door open, and stared down at her. Black circles hung under his eyes, the fur on his chest and the top of his head disheveled.
"Here I am. Feel better now? You've done your good deed for the day."
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"You look like hell." However, she just brushed past him to enter the room, get all of this placed on a handy desk.
"And I'm just doing my job. The moon's weird and everyone's on edge. Finnick doesn't need anyone starving to death in one of his rooms on top of that."
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"Whatever. We both know that's not the only reason you're up here bothering me."
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She just wished she had better ways of regulating herself. It was weird... the threat of abstraction was enough to scare you straight enough. Though she didn't miss that danger, she'd been furious and upset far more since she'd gotten here.
"...I also wanted to apologize. For freezing up." Her grip tightened.
"I don't know what I could have done against the likes of a gryphon, but I froze, and... I'm sorry." She lowered her forehead against the chair back.
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Jax stood there; confused. She was apologizing for not going after them? Jax had been upset, in the moment, but what was she supposed to do? Fly after them? In hindsight... it was best she didn't try. She didn't need to see any of that.
"It's fine." He grumbled. "You wanted me to learn my lesson... so I did. You should be happy things went the way they did."
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Pomni sighed quietly, but didn't move. "I'm not... I'm not happy something happened to you. I was and am still angry with you, but I will never feel like you deserve to die."
The breath she drew was slow, steeling herself. "...I was terrified in the days since. I could hardly imagine what you must have gone through, what he'd done to you. To be happy about any of that would just be... cruel."
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"He gave me a warning about picking on the meek. I'm just — I don't really know how else to entertain myself."
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But Pomni paused, rubbed an upper arm, and noticed that the door was closed. He hadn't... kicked her out. Told her to go away. Could they talk? Finally talk?
"...Y'know, there's... more to life in general than picking on people, obviously. I mean, didn't we almost get turned into juice packets by vampires and you ran around as a werewolf? You ate like three deer and god knows what else. I kinda wish I'd--" She cleared her throat and made a point of straightening out the chair, keeping her focus on that and absolutely nothing else.
"A-anyway- That was all scary beyond all reason, but... looking back, it was kind of fun. Going on adventures with you." She paused.
"I know I can be kind of lame and scare easily, but... if you ever wanted to go on more adventures, I'd like that. Or just... talk, or something."
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"Kind of wish you what? Made a move on werewolf Jax? Can't say I blame you." He smirked, even if she couldn't see it. But the expression didn’t last long. Jax sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, hands scrubbing his face.
"You really are bad at taking hints." He muttered into his palms. "Fine, Pomni. Let's talk. It can't hurt anymore than having my ribs stabbing through my lungs."
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Not anymore, she remembered Ragatha had said, when she'd asked if Jax had friends. Was he different, then...? Was he like he was as Team Bad Guys? Was he more amicable than that, perhaps, before he fell into plunking everyone into an archetype?
She turned back when she heard the small squeak of the bed as he took a seat. This would... normally... sort of demand to sit next to somebody, but that was the bed, and. Yeah. Though, oddly enough, her mind lingered on the fact that he seemed to make a lot of remarks about his supposed glory, his physical characteristics, and about making passes. To her.
Did he-?
She stood straighter in her lean back against the desk. Wait, talk now? She'd meant overall, but if he was willing to go for it here, then...
Pomni winced from that detail. The sudden chill through her brought her to rub her upper arms. "Oh god... I heard the Visitors come back if they die, but I didn't think about having the memory of that intact, too. Keeps you from being too reckless, I guess...?"
She paused, let her eyes wander a bit. "Uh- but- w-we could talk about something else. I'm an open book...!"
Oh god, did she double finger-guns? She double finger-guns.
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Not that anyone cared but Pomni, and even she was debatable.
He looked over. Huffed out a laugh. "Just sit down." He patted the spot next to him once. "And bring some cheese over. I'm starving."
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She blinked her surprise, but she wasn't going to turn the offer down. She grabbed the cheese and some of the bread before she headed over. Damn her height- she needed a second to vault herself up to have a seat before she offered the snacks.
"What happened was... really extreme. But I'm glad you're in one piece."
She looked up at him. "You're not... nervous... about Skan looking for you again, are you?"
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"Should I be?" He asked. "I was just going to steer clear of him and his friend. If he comes after me again for nothing, then it feels like we might have a problem."
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"I think you might be okay this time. But if that's not the case, then..." She clutched her hands into fists, pumped.
"I've been practicing a lot harder. I've gotten better with a sword, and I'm having armor forged. I'm going all-in with the adventurer thing. And check this out..."
She paused and focused on the shadow he cast from the light coming in from the window. She lay a hand to it, and dissolved into shadow herself-
"Yah!" -To hop out from a shadowed corner of the room, arm extended as if thrusting outward with a blade. Then she hopped back into the corner, to return from whence she came.
"Tadaaoof-" She popped right back to her seat next to him, but the give of the bed had her sink a bit and wind up mushing against him a bit.
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"Hate to say it — but that was pretty cool." Pomni was pretty cool, and it was a shame she kept trying to hang out with him when he had done nothing but push her away for his own selfish reasons. Maybe she saw something in him he couldn't. Maybe she was just stubborn. Either way, she deserved better.
When she tumbled against him, he reflexively moved his hand to steady her back. He froze there, staring at his own fingers like they belonged to someone else. Every instinct screamed to shove her off, to keep the distance he had worked so hard to wedge between them.
But for once, he ignored that voice.
Instead, he shifted, hooked his arm around her, then let his other arm follow until he pulled her into a hug — one that surprised even him.
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Shadow-jumping was tricky, though. Visualizing was one thing, but making sure you thought of your whole body moving through from one place to another was another matter entirely.
But it was... cool? Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty cool, wasn't it? Maybe she'll eventually kick the court jester allegations.
His arm moved and she felt the backs of her hands and her neck prickle, a flash of shame. "Crap, I'm sorr-"
She froze as her stomach and heart threatened to jump into her mouth, forcing her to clamp it shut. After so many random pokes, grabs, tugs and shoves, she'd grown accustomed to how Jax was just kind of a touchy guy and ran with it. But thinking on it, she sort of had been lately, too. How often had she grabbed his hand and stood close, not once thinking about her own aversion about her personal space...?
So when she turned, her arms circled him in kind to return the gesture. She'd meant it when she said he didn't deserve what happened, and she'd meant her relief in seeing him in one piece again. He was a pain in the ass, but... at the end of the day, Jax was still a friend.
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He bowed his head, ears drooping, and closed his eyes as he hugged her to him. He should have done this before, instead of pushing her away. God. Why did he suck so fucking much.
"Thanks." He muttered. "For the food." And definitely nothing else.
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She tucked her face in, and was reminded of how much more real they were here: He was warm, but she knew she'd ruin it if she said so. He was a good hugger, but... she knew she'd ruin it if she said so. Instead she nodded- any time- and let relief combine with her body reminding her that she'd been on such high alert and alarm for these last several days and could finally relax. Sleep had been seldom.
"I'm going to have a few drinks later," she noted quietly. "If you feel like coming down, I wouldn't mind the company."
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"Sure." Is what he said anyway. "You buying?"
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But now that she could lean back a little, her eyes caught something right at eye level.
"Oh, wow. ...They really did make you fuzzy, didn't they...?"
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He glanced down. Smirked. "Go ahead and touch it. You know you want to."
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Oh. OH. Really?
Well, she did want to...
Pomni briefly looked up at him, momentarily hesitant, before she set a hand to the task of quelling her curiosity. After looking and seeming rubbery in the game, what met her fingers was something softer than she imagined. She threaded purple fur between her fingers, marveling the way it fell back into place once each digit passed through.
She vaguely thought of just how real they were here. Getting accustomed to hunger and fatigue was one thing, but... she could even feel his heartbeat like this, too.
Ah. Oops. She mussed it a little. She doubled back and swept her fingertips across once more to guide everything back into place.
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Of course it felt nice when she ran her hands through the fur — they were warm, gentle and if he were a cat, he would have been purring with the attention. Jax watched her without saying a word, his mind wandering, thinking close to the same thing she was about how real they were here, how human everything felt.
A beat. His hand rose behind her. Paused. And then moved again until he grasped her wrist, holding her hand there against his chest, his heart thumping rhythmically. Jax met her eyes again, and then leaned down, still without a word, and pressed his lips against hers.
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She could stick around, if he wanted. She just wished he'd ask, instead of some roundabout thing. The question was there on the tip of her tongue when she turned her gaze up again, but... something else... happened instead.
Pomni froze, that question she'd wondered earlier answered. There was nothing she could do to quell the sudden feeling of butterflies in her stomach, nor did it stop how her fingers curled in his fur again. She could push him away, but... she didn't want to.
Instead she stretched herself a little higher, a gentle lean into the kiss, though she couldn't help but wonder if this was leading into some kind of joke...
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What he could do was take advantage the fact that he wasn't trapped in a computer with a bunch of assholes that didn't even understand him. He could do things he could not have done otherwise in the circus.
Jax yanked her into his lap, his hand pressing against her back as he sank into the kiss with a quiet sigh. For once, he didn’t have a joke ready — though he knew he’d think of one fast enough if she pulled away and said something about it.
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Her stomach twisted into a knot when he pulled her in, but she shifted for comfort's sake, felt that knot twist further when he sighed. She just... hoped she was okay at this. She'd only kissed about a handful of times in her life.
Her hands lifted from their spot on his chest. When one draped over a shoulder, loosely wound around the rabbit's neck, the other smoothed against a cheek. Any minute break in the kiss from her shift into his lap was mended with a soft brush, a shy reconnection initiated by her this time; an 'I'm not going anywhere' without a word.
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Nah, fuck it.
If asked and if he answered truthfully: Jax would admit that he had no idea what he was doing. He had wanted to kiss her for a while now, but that would have involved letting his guard down. People would have seen him being vulnerable — and in the circus? Can't have that. Besides, back their she could just abstract and he would have nothing but bitterness all over again.
She was good enough, apparently, for him to keep kissing her; easing from tentative to deep and tender once she leaned into him. She was so small, fit so nicely in his lap. He could have kept her there forever. After a moment he leaned back for a breath.
"...Not bad." He smirked.
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She... liked that. She liked this, and having herself a first time being pulled into a lap and held like she mattered, and not wanting to push them away because they invaded her space. Was it okay that she liked that? Was it okay that she wanted to do that more...? Could you be frustrated with someone and still feel all of these other things at once? This guy almost constantly barged into her space, and she'd noticed that she didn't mind it so much. What'd... what'd that mean? What did the weird evening in that moonlit forest mean? Was it werewolves at the core of it, or... was it...?
Maybe having such a boring life wasn't as bad as she thought, considering all of this was twisting her brain into knots. But her heart was racing, and she had to break eye contact. She opted for angling her head down a bit, hide behind the bangs.
"Well, y-you're alright, yourself." She was sure so many of the others here in their myriad relationships would have a thousand pointers, but... she thought he'd done fine.
Yet she burned with curiosity. "Where did... that... come from, anyway? The snacks couldn't have been that good."
Jokes. She had 'em.
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"What can I say? I'm a sucker for the girl dinner platter." He replied, because he'd be damned if he didn't take advantage of that comment. Then, he shrugged. "Just wanted to. Expected you to smack me in the face, honestly."
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You know what? If he wanted to play games, she could play games, too. This meant he might be feeling a little better, which was a relief. She can give him this one.
She leaned closer, arms crossed over her chest. "You... wanted to. I see."
A brow quirked. "Giving you a smack isn't all-the-way off the table. I recall someone threatened to rip my throat out in the woods... they call that 'mixed signals' in my neck of the woods, Jax."
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"I don't know, it seemed pretty clear to me — especially with the way you reacted when I said it." He smirked. "Or are we conveniently ignoring that part?"
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Pomni visibly stiffened at that. "Uhm. ...I-I wasn't-"
Holding her breath let her change so many colors, but right now all she had was the red. That evening was a blur and mountains of confusion, teeth and so much growling. Was there something she did? That was so long ago! She fought to sweep her bangs in front of her eyes.
"That- that was a weird night, I don't- what'd I... do...??"
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"Do you seriously not remember? I had all those heightened senses as a werewolf. I could smell everything for miles, especially you." He leaned in again, voice low. "You were soooo horny when I showed you my teeth. Then you dug your hands into my fur... tsk, tsk, Pomni. Didn't know you were a monsterfucker."
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Pomni had to shrink a little as Jax leaned in, and she actually wished a little for the circus censors. The color of her face deepened half out of being completely called out, and half out of the fact that her stomach was twisting into some absolutely HELLISH knots from hearing him talk like this.
It was enough to have her take a hand and muffle the grinning mouth. Nope. Not handling this well right now.
"I'mmmm... stilltryingtofigurethingsout...!" She lowered her head to hide her face further.
"Wh-what else am I supposed to take away from being teased and then having you be protective of me when some weird guy shows up? You started it. What does that say about you?"
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Sorry, Pomni, he would love to answer that question, but you have put your hand over his mouth! Fortunately, his eyebrows were still raised and it was so fucking obvious he was still grinning like a major asshole under her palm. He shrugged helplessly. I don't knoooow.
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...But you know what? If covering the mouth kept it from running, that meant she could talk. Pomni took a breath and raised her head again.
"...Just don't make a game out of this, Jax. Alright? Please. I didn't hate the attention that night, and... I-I liked the kiss. I don't know if you're just screwing around, or... trying to figure something out, but... If you're serious about any of that, I want you to just tell me whenever."
She hesitated, then lowered the hand.
"...And don't say it's just a thing you do- I've never seen you kiss Gangle, Ragatha or any of the others."
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He clicked his tongue, suddenly a little too vulnerable again now that she was so blatantly calling him out. He hadn't been joking, or fucking with her at all, save for teasing her about being horny for wolves.
"Awfully cruel to think everything I do is a joke, Pomni. I mean, I am the funny one, but I did just die and come back, and I wasn't really in the mood to joke."
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Maybe she'd accidentally hurt him, then. Who can say? But this weird visit was a big step for both of them: For him, talking about what happened and some things that were cooking away in his mind but couldn't be expressed in words; for her, stepping in and setting down how angry she'd been to get out what she'd wanted to say. The kiss was just going to be something she'd stew on for a little while.
So Pomni wrapped her arms around herself a bit, and wasn't looking at him. She wanted to lean, wanted some level of extra contact, but didn't feel much like she'd earned that any more.
"I've just... been burned before. As a prank."
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He was real. Alive. A person in a stupid bunny body, but a person nonetheless, who could die and had to actually live with the consequences of his actions. He wasn't going to be a great guy overnight, but he had to admit that he couldn't be as wild and uncaring as he had been for years in the circus.
"Screw em." He said with a shrug, "if I was going to prank you, I'd at least do something good." Jax reached for her, looped his arm around her middle, and then quickly scooped her up and rolled them both over until they were on their sides and she was shoved into his furry chest while he held her. "Pretending to be into you as a joke is... pretty lame. Kid shit."
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Momentary surprise took her when he reached for her, and they were moved. Her hands instinctively eased to brace, and everything was soft and warm again. The bedding was nice, and she didn't blame him for staying in bed.
The fur was nice too, and she didn't blame him for flaunting it.
"...I appreciate it."
Pomni caved to the want as her hands settled, and she nuzzled her face to the fluff. God, she was tired...
"Sorry if I fall asleep on you. I was worried, so I didn't exactly... um... sleep much, so..."
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But she couldn't let everything slide.
"...That's what someone who snores would say," she managed, before she let herself settle in for what was going to be her first good sleep in god-knows-how-long.